A Note About Identity, Confidence, and Self-Love

Ok you guys… you might not know this about me but I’m allergic to cliches and I also do not like to do things that give off the air of being at all self-indulgent or dare I say, narcissistic. So I feel uncomfortable even writing this, but with that disclaimer being said, I have thoughts in my head that I feel compelled to share. 

When I signed on to do this show (“Buying Beverly Hills”), I was terrified. I thought, “Who in the actual hell is going to want to see me on TV?” I am shy, I don’t like drama, and I’m not over the top. So what place do I have on reality TV? And I know there are many people out there who ARE thinking exactly that about me, and that’s ok. But that was my biggest insecurity—that I would come off as too vanilla (a.k.a- boring and uninteresting) on TV. Also too reserved, controlled, serious, etc.

My whole life I’ve felt smart but not smart enough, confident but not confident enough, opinionated but not loud enough, pretty but not pretty enough. I’ve also struggled a lot with my body image, and I will speak more about my experience with that in the future, but you get it, the list goes on. Basically, I’ve never felt enough, even though I’ve always thought that I had pretty high-self worth and self-esteem. Yet, still, at times, I’ve struggled a lot with my outward self-confidence. 

 Over the last couple of years, I’ve grappled with my identity and WHO I am, how to be true to myself, and also, what that meant for me in my career/industry. As a real estate agent, I always felt shame in not having a personality that’s known as being “larger than life”, “extroverted”, “loud”, “aggressive” or even, “unapologetically myself”. But now I’m realizing that I actually have been unapologetically myself all along, but I was the one that was just not accepting of myself. I was fully standing in my own way. I knew who I was and who I wasn’t, but I didn’t want to accept myself the way I was, I wanted to be different and compared myself to everyone that I thought was “better” than me, and who embodied those sparkling (or what I considered sparkling) qualities. 

Only now realizing, and with the help of some of you guys, that being seen as a BOSS, and as CONFIDENT can look so many different ways. The fact that I can be appreciated for being me, and for being myself… that’s what I’m honestly shocked by. On the show, I didn’t put ON a show to try to be dramatic, overly emotional, or be the loudest or snarkiest version of myself in order to try to fit what I thought people would like or think was interesting on TV. And that wasn’t because I was confident in myself, but because I didn’t even know how to put on a fake act. If I did, I probably would have. So instead, I felt that I had no choice but to be myself. 

And I actually didn’t think being just me would “land” well, but I’ve since found that there are a lot of people out there—YOU GUYS—who see and understand me, maybe because you see me in you? What I’ve learned from this experience is that you actually don’t have to be cutthroat, aggressive, loud, or extroverted necessarily to be a BOSS. If you’re someone that’s vulnerable, empathetic, and honest, you can exude a quiet confidence that makes you the “boss” that you are and have known yourself to be all along deep down. I wish I had known this before. 

I’m emotional reading all of your messages and comments because I’ve had this huge epiphany these last few weeks: When people say “Just be authentically yourself”, I didn’t know what the heck that meant or how to actually do that because I was so stuck on this idea that sure, you should try to do that (whatever “that” means) but you should also strive to be MORE, MORE, MORE, all of the time. And now I’ve had this lightbulb moment where I understand what people have been saying all along. You actually don’t have to try to be someone you’re not. There’s a reason that you were born as you. 

There’s no way to say this without feeling cringy but I’m going to say it anyway… You really can be yourself. You are truly ENOUGH just the way you are. You do NOT need to be all those other things that don’t feel right to who you are at your core. If you’re loud, you don’t have to make yourself quieter, and if you’re quiet, you don’t have to make yourself the loudest person in the room (unless you want to be).  The fact is that you do not need to be everyone’s cup of tea either, but just by being you, you will find your tribe of like-minded people, and you might even inspire someone along the way.

So you guys, not only do I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for all of the love and support, but most importantly, if you take anything at all away from this message, please take this one thing: Do your best to actually see your strengths as strengths, and not as weaknesses. And embrace who you are at your core, without thinking that you have to be anything else other than yourself.  I wish I had believed that before but now I really do. So do yourself a favor, and know that NOW. There’s nothing more empowering than knowing—and owning—who you are. 

xx Farrah